On Tuesday I joined the club of students who have completed their senior seminar and are ready to graduate. Thank goodness. The last few weeks were just go-go-go as far as needing to get stuff done. And, true to form, I performed well under pressure and got things done (yes, Erik, you can say "I told you so" now...).
Most of the actual seminar was a blur. I remember conversations I had with people before I started lecturing (Microsoft Powerpoint: "Cozzarelli? Do you mean Mozzarella?" Me: "No, but, dang it... now I want cheese!") and then the questions and comments that followed, but everything in between is a little bit fuzzy. I made Shannon promise me that I really hadn't babbled on the whole time, and that I actually made a bit of sense, because for all I knew I was mumbling, mixing up my words, and being repetitive.
It was also a relief to find out today that KAB (a prof who is known for asking tough/intimidating questions and having high expectations of students) thought that I did a good job. I was a bit worried as to what the profs thought about my presentation when my own adviser, JFPC, (who I have had issues with in the past, though I've never flat out confronted him about it) asked me really tough/mean/whatever questions at the end of my seminar (during which, by the way, he spent a good portion of his time dozing off). I was a bit frustrated with his questions, but thought that I may have exagerated his harshness given that I don't happen to think very highly of him, until my friends came up to me afterwards and asked, "Who is that prof and why was he such a *insert term for mean person here*?" Oh well... As long as I get a grade that is fair, I will never have to deal with this prof again (if I don't, he'll be getting an ear-full, and probably not just from me). And time to stop venting about my non-adviser adviser and move onto something not related to school.
I'm super relieved to be done with my seminar, but the rest of this week has not felt as relaxing as I had originally imagined it to be. I blame that partially on work (and partially on the rut that I seem to have gotten myself stuck in regarding other aspects of life). I was originally scheduled 13 hours this week, but after a short phone call with my manager that got changed to 20 hours. I guess we're short on staff at the pharmacy this week due to injuries and illnesses. But oh well, at least this will beef up the paycheck a little bit. Which reminds me, I need to start applying for summer jobs right away. Tomorrow though, it's time for sleep now.
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Oh, Julie...I'm so relieved to read your post. What a chore to have an obstacle who's supposed to be a support (ie, your advisor). But it sounds like you were a rock star, just as we all expected.
ReplyDeleteAnd you pushed the boundaries of your field, which is even cooler (that bit of intelligence from Erik). No great break-throughs ever came about from someone whose imagination fell asleep, though some have happened by serendipity, of course. You bring to your field a fresh, timely perspective and the world needs you. Stay open to surprise!
I'm so glad you were surrounded by the support of your friends at such a crucial time.
I love your comment about the "blur." My guess is you may have been in your "zone." I heard Donny Osmand once talk about his first performanc of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. He suffers terrifly from anxiety (something I never knew) and he remembers nothing, nada, zip from his opening night. Except for this: in the end, Andrew Lloyd Weber came up to him and said: "Where have you been hiding all this time?"
I hope you'll trust what an amazing woman and rising star you are. I'm honored to know you.
Oh, and BTW: your advisor may have fallen asleep because he crammed the night before to keep up with you--or has a sleep disorder. But I seriously doubt it was intentional (too embarrassing, trust me!)
So now, I hope you do sleep, sleep, sleep...if you'r rested, the rut will resolve itself without you having to do too much.
Love,
Kathleen